So we were ankering by Mrs Renz sheb in Kong on a Saturday afternoon. Twas me, Boy and Joe. I hope Joe doesn't throw me a bumbo for releasing this nyaya. Twas lekke lekke with the bhali Paul Galant, Alex Lobengula, Claude Makotsie, Lazarus, Tuts Adolfo and Gonky Usher. The bhali's were relaxed and allowed us younger ones also some seats at the table. Mrs Renz was tukaring some dude who never brought back the empty's whist Alex Lobbs was telling us a story he had told many times before. You could hear the rip roaring laughter two blocks away. Lobbs used to laugh at his own jokes long before he finished the raps. Mdara Claude wasn't too impressed chuning him, "Now Alec, when do we get a chance to laugh!"So finally O Boy hucked the chigoob filled with mud and hurt a beeky before passing it on to Joe. Notice Im not using last names here coz me I know goffal owns dont smuck too let other nosey mensa know they once liked chibukz.
Lobbs was still busy with that same old story getting more excited by himself. Luzzy and Gonky were killing themselves with laughter, not at the unfinished story but at Alec laughing till the tears ran yet the story wasn't finished! Lol
Then Luzzy saw the Moore's boy and flagged the mensa down ekse. He whipped out one of those old big 2 dollar notes and scored some ice cream. Me I was wondering whats up with this labhi here, we hurting chibuks and now he gaalies ice cream in it?
By the time the chigoob jorled to me the ice cream was looking mean and creamy so I let rip by taking two long gulps. The item kicked like a mule. I swear when I passed it on to Gonky, it looked like 10 other owns from the hood had joined in. I'm chuning u we were having a gas exkse. Kong's lighties were playing outside Aunty Betty's cabin with Taurai, Never, Patrick and a very small but chatty Dumi Harrison. I know these days he be called Gerald but me I remember Dumi. The youngster wasn't shy Im chuning you! Lol
Meanwhile the heavy honeez were on their Saturday parades all clad up like they were hitting the gig already. The ponytail trup was poi, you'd suss the meanest items just gliding buy. Don;t see them like the old queens they are now, hahaha, some of them were beauty queens. But Taapi...eysh....I'm pleading the 5th here!
Then Lillian Gordon passed with that nice afro and long legs. Aaaah, we went silent moena. Ivan's sister didnt need no nuffin, she was a model straight up but me I could do jack coz she was also from South and we were brought up like sister and brother plus she and my sis who is older than me were besties. Eysh but some they could make u forget family history. Smally and Clayton were taking the walk with her but we didn't even notice them. I'm not sure but I noticed even one of the bhali's licking their lips.........he saw us checking him out but he chuned it was from the chibukz off course bwahahahahahaha!
Boy thought me I never checked him glancing at her but I saw that peek.
Anyway after we got nice nice, I don't recall who it was who chuned that Scamps would be bumping that night so we chuned the bhalis we were cutting....Twas a must to go see Josh Makawa spinning the discs......We took a slow walk towards St Martins, passed our cabin in Gleemore Walk. My old queen was talking to our neighbour Aunty Mary Leslie's old queen. There were so many Old queens from South in Kong it felt like home!...
Aunty Betty Petersen, Aunty Florry, Aunty Ellen Williams o Taurai's old queen, aunty Florry number two in Jageser, aunty Lena Lobengula further down in the same drag. In Phillip Circle Aunty Janet was the Zuda Queen in the drag right near Oupa Derra that smart old bhali who wore a suite even to go to the shops at Ghandabai. That bhali could tog moena!..... GQ style I'm not even conning........In Petersen Aunty Steeny and in Herbert Hick Aunty Louise o Boy's ole queen and Mrs Richards, Gaba and Nicky and them's mom. We had an all star South Aunty Team in Kong.... but we didn't huddle and ONLY play with each other like foreigners in SA smuck to do,...sut, I was too intrigued with Zim foggals and the cool owns I was friends with like Bobby, Sky, Quinton, John Jones, Butch, Alton, Punch, Kariem and them. To me they sounded like American negroes hurting English proper. Twas so coool. I was in a hurry to forget all those Xhosa clicks from the ghetto in South!. This was a new life baby, at the level!
By the fence there near Sunningdale school we decided to first go to St Martins so Joe could change then we would reel a return trup so Boy and I also souped ourselves up a beeky. It was all planned nice nice until we approached Hatfield Road now called Seke Road. As we crossed a small G driven by a Shona bhali came racing from the airport side whilst we were tryna cross. If we didn't hop out of the drag, one or all of us woulda kicked the bucket that day serious serious.
But as we jumped I think it was me or Joe who dropped the lone chibukz we skaled from the baalies by Mrs Renz. The item hit that bhali's windscreen and spattered. You shoulda seen the mud all over the drag.
Joe was flat and Boy's timer on his temper was faulty so immediately the South African in 'em jumped up. Me I was like whats wrong with this labhi. Then he made a u-turn but we didn't see the mensa coz it looked like he sped off. Anyways we went to Joe's big sis Jane's cabin and were busy telling the nyaya when someone reeled and knocked on the door at 7 Apple avenue. You see I remember me....lol
They asked for Joe and he went out, leaving us inside. A few minutes passed then the same person reeled to flag down Boy. He followed outside and never came back. So me I'm still telling the story to Jane and Trish then the same dude who flagged down my homeez knocked again to flag me down. It was done so cool and calm it looked like the owns were maybe sipping some Cola Cane or something and wanted it on the down low so Jane don't lecture us. Her husband was a priest and it was hard enough to stand up straight with all that chibukz and ice-cream working its way down to my feet!
But when I stepped outside I got the shock of my life! It was too late to turn back. The bhali who almost ran us over was there chuning the cops, "This is the one who punched me." ...His face was swollen but I couldn't recall throwing a punch at him. I burst out laughing and the cops threw me into the same van Joe and Boy were already in. The drag was dik with St Martins mensa all watching the drama!
That's one of the times I experienced anti coloured behaviour from some Shona peeps. The cops chuned, "Makaradi, nhasi muchamama!"..... They never even wanted to hear our version of events. They just raced off with us to Braeside cop shop where we were the guests of the police for that weekend. Scamps never saw us. In boop for the first time, that's when I realise two things, firstly chibukz kicks like a mule and boop klunks big time.
I never knew how long a day was until the Braeside fuzz grabbed us so smoothly, even Jane and Trish in the cabin had no idea we were lamba'd.
That is why even unto this day whenever I pass Mrs Renz cabin, I catch a mean laugh coz chibukz made us so torn we musta thrown combinations at that bhali's face but didn't remember anything!
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Excerpt from my forthcoming story book "Becoming a Goffal, From Rhodesia to Zimbabwe via Zimbabwe - Rhodesia!"
